It's so very true. I hate how everyone seemingly hangs on tenterhooks waiting for me to make some kind of balls up. I balls up all the frigging time! I have been mulling this over a lot lately as everyone seems to think I perch atop some kind of pedestal (I can’t mention pedestal’s without thinking of ‘the 40 year old virgin’). Well if that is the case I didn't stick myself up there. I never feel superior to anybody. I want to be the best person I can be (who doesn't?) but I am all too aware of my limitations and flaws, which are many! Even the things I’m half decent at I can always name about twenty people who are better than me. In fact there are lots of people in my life I am completely jealous of, because I look at them and think, 'there's not a single thing in the world that I do better than you' when there are people like that, what is the point of your own existence? Even if I had a role in the fabric of society, surely person X, who does everything better than me, could easily fill that role? In fact the only thing that keeps me going at times is knowing I have slightly nicer ears than person X (the best looking girl in school, Jenny Drew, told me I had nice ears in year 11 - I was such a stud!)
I understand it from some people, colleagues for example might misconstrue me. (Hi Tina!) After all I have a very definite work persona. I think it is extremely important to be slightly more conservative when you work in a school. Sure I’m chatty but I also try and put across messages of anti-alcoholism, or at least sensible usage of alcohol. I feel it’s part of my responsibility. I have a lot of time for the youth of today. They get a bad press but I think they have more character then they are given credit for (and some of them are damn hilarious). I also think it's unfair to blame people who are the products of a toxic environment, if lazy-ass TV producers are going to cram our idiot boxes with bollocks, brain rotting crap like ‘the only way is Essex’ and ‘made in Chelsea’, of course people are going to latch on to negative role models, this generations Dan Dare is Vicky Pollard! So as a member of staff who is considered to be well liked by most students (which I think is fair to say) I try and polarise the world a little, I do try and position myself as an opposite tothe negative role models dished up by pop culture. Admittedly I don't always practice what I preach, but at the age of thirty my liver is probably already broken, right? I always hope that my peers pick up on this, perhaps they don't! Either way, work Lee-James is a necessity as home Lee-James is a child and a product of the fast food generation himself! I would probably wind up in loads of trouble if I didn't have an amazing woman to look after me, oh yeah coupled with the fact that I am too lazy to get into trouble. It generally means leaving the couch, right?
So I get the people I work with perhaps misunderstanding me. But it's people who are far closer to me that kind of bug me, close mates, even family members. I have been described as snobbish. I don't get that at all. I hate elitism and conservative politics makes me see red (see what I did there?) I'm as proud as punch that I wasn't spoiled as a child. okay so I wish mum had forced me to go to school a bit more, but even that panned out pretty well. I'm really proud of the fact that i'm going to be a uni graduate and possibly a qualified teacher down the line. I only got entered for 4 GCSE's (and did crap in all of 'em!) I was the archetypal shit student. I honestly feel blessed to have gotten to where I am in life. Nothing has ever been handed to me. Which is ace, having nice things feels better when you feel you deserve them. (of course if you want to give me free crap I will gladly take it) And you know what I do deserve them. In the past five years I can't count the amount of 3am sessions (nothing better than listening to this whilst being up at the correct time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ) I have put in to finish an assignment or to get something sorted for work. okay, so the reason I have had to do that is because i'm dreadfully disorganised, but that is completely beside the point. Don’t get me wrong I’m not playing the martyr, I made my own life decisions and trying to live a life I thought I would only ever dream of was one of them. I truly think that at a certain point, your life is what you make it. If there's something in your life that bothers you, change it. I have no time for jealousy. I love my life, but I am a realist and realise that I don't really have much actual talent, so if I can live the dream i'm damn sure you can (yes i'm talking to Mr X!!)
Anyway, rant over and on to something less depressing. I saw a mouse today, at least I think it was a mouse. It might have been a rat. Or perhaps a kangaroo with stunted growth. The little bugger was stealing food from the garden and stashing it under the shed, what a legend. I wanted to high five the robbing little rodent. Just for his excellent thieving technique. He made the artful dodger look like a clumsy ram raider. I appreciated the technique. It reminded me of a school mate who was going through a rebellious phase and pinched a Cadbury’s cream egg from a shop. I didn't know what to do, or where to look, but was even more bemused when he paid for the stolen goods in the shop next door. When I enquired what the hell he was doing he simple informed me that it was three pence cheaper. He was a weird guy.
Much love peoples - live the dream! xx
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