Life sucks, pretty much full time

I am beginning to really doubt the existence of Karma. I used believe in it, but now my faith is someone what shaken due to all the really shitty things happening to some really decent people. For starters my younger brother whose old man is in a bad state in the hospital, right on the back of having his long term girlfriend in hospital too. Can't the poor kid catch a break? I guess not. Then there is my lovely next door neighbour whose partner and father to her child was in a horrific accident where he was hit by a van whilst cycling and has had to have a coma induced. It's tremendously sad. It really is. And kind of puts things in to perspective...



...or at least it should. But as human beings, all but the very best of us, seem to have a way of still managing to feel angsty and pissed off even when by comparison our lives are sweet as a nut (which is one of the stupidest phrases ever, nuts are clearly savoury!) I am talking about a specific thing: I should own a house right about now. The repayments would be the same as I’m paying in rent. Plus I’m thirty years old and have an income I never dared dream of as a youngster. But as soon as it looks like I’m making progress things always seem to go tits up (another strange one, why are tits going up a bad thing? What are they going up?) Mr Mortgage broker (rightfully) pointed out that at least a year's saving is in order to get a deposit. Which on the brightside means that I have a year to either convince my boss that I’m worth a permanent contract (quite why I’m still temporary is beyond me) but on the flip side means that any pattering of tiny feet in the next year will mean that an angry squirrel has somehow broke in to our flat and that really pisses me off ('cos I hate squirrels)



I'm not the most patient of guys, I never have been, but everything just seems so far away at the moment. Even my degree being finished is still almost half a year away. It is wrong to wish your life away, but every day is a struggle at the moment. I have become so lethargic. I cannot focus on coursework what-so-ever at a point when my effort should be doubled. I am just stuck in perpetual first gear. Dawn is an absolute star, but not even she can drag me out of this state of apathy. When put in contrast with the problems of others at the moment, this means nothing, but problems are relative aren’t they? George Lucas probably gets miserable that he isn't the movie making genius he once was. Bill Gates might have all the money in the world, but he still has to look at that face in the mirror every morning. On the other end of that scale you have people in third world countries starving, people born into absolute poverty and homelessness and perhaps the worst afflictions of all being a Millwall fan or living in Plymouth.



Jokes aside though, I hope that the hospitalised folks all get better and give some much needed respite to their respective loved ones. I can't help but feel slightly shameful battling my personal financial demons whilst good people battle for their health. Hopefully God, or science or whatever force controls the universe (probably not karma) is on their side. It can sort me out in a couple of months.
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Procrastination

In a supreme effort to prove that I will do just about anything to avoid the nightmare that is doing my coursework I decided to live out my childhood dream of keeping a blog. I know what you are thinking and yes, they did have the internet when I was a child. OK it was dial up and had a modem that was loud enough to wake up an entire street. But it was worth it to look at pictures of Gillian Anderson in her underwear. mmmm.....Scully. The problem is my lack of anything really interesting to talk about. My main reason for doing this, as it was last time, before I lost my password, is to develop a writing habit, something kind of needed if you are going to be a writer (Which I am going to be!) If you are interested, and why wouldn't you be, you can read my only other blog entry here: http://panix04.blogspot.com/

So I guess this will act as a diary and contain any thing I want to write that might be vaguely interesting. I got 81% in a creative writing assignment today. This could have been higher had I not spent so much time on facebook last week. Facebook is slowly turning our nation in to a bunch of lazy idiots who cannot enjoy anything that doesn't involve poking (when I was a kid having an addiction to poking was called being a sex pest - I know first hand) However, whilst I could take a stand by deleting my account I really don't want to. On my hiatus's (haitusi?) from facebook I feel completely liberated, but there always seems to be a good reason to not delete, the biggest and obvious one being that I am equal parts nosy bastard and (as you can tell from having a blog) egotist.

Whilst I'm on the subject of social networking I joked the other day that facebook should have built in anti-drunk locks and I feel this would be a godsend. I post so much random crap whilst drunk and it is never of any benefit and usually to my own detriment. I think next time I will de-activate my account before I go out. I doubt in a drunken state I would have the required grey matter to login.

I need to finish my assignment tonight really in order to have a nicer week then last. I am becoming conscious that I am a grouchy douche bag at work and unfortunately I am cursed with a desire to have the whole world love me. That sounds lame, but it is so true. I wish I could be one of these tossers that care not what the outside world thinks. Their lives seem so much easier (they also seem a lot more true to themselves.)