It's been a while, but luckily i'm still awesome...

...and modest. So what's been going on? Well that massive ass asteroid hit Russia. It was pretty cool, unless you are Russian of course, in which case it probably sucked a little bit. I know its tremendously dreadful to find natural disaster entertaining, but they look way cooler than their Hollywood counterparts. That footage was loads better then "deep impact."

I couldn't think of a decent segue, so I decided to just start a new paragraph and hope nobody notices, actually I have a similar readership to the roll of toilet roll in my bathroom, so i'm not really sure it matters what I say. With that in mind I want to say bollocks to people who belittle other people to make themselves feel good. I really hate it when people who clearly have tiny penises (or the female equivalent, massive clunge? I dunno, whatever might make a woman insecure) put others down to feel good. We are all insecure in some way, shape or form, don't be a cock about it! If you think i'm talking about you, then I probably am. Just to clarify there is a difference between this and bantering. if the other person doesn't look upset then you probably haven't crossed a line, if they look like they are about to cry it's time to dial down the dickishness!(it's a word) /end rant

So I am in a play for the first time in a long time and i'm adctually loving it (in a mcdonalds like fashion) the script is funny. I have to sing and dance which are both pretty challenging for me (I was born with two left feet and two left vocal chords, actually that's not a thing) After a few rehearsals where I barely spoke a word I started going pub with the next sads generation and they are all ace. I honestly feel I have made another 3 or 4 really good friends who I love spending time with. I'm going to be crushed when this play is finished. I hate the feeling when plays are all over. Mainly because with the best will in the world you never truly see am-dram people outside of the am-dram world. I think about the awesome people I have met through theater: Pete, Jo, Georgia etc. and I just never see these people (well rarely) it kinda sucks. ho hum, don't want to be a miserable bastard I have done quite enough of that of late. So I'm just going to focus on enjoying the next three weeks as much as possible. After all you cannot change the future, just try and deal with what it has in store for you.

We had our yearly Newquay trip recently and it was predictably quality. A bit more high-brow than usual, probably because Gringo wasn't there to accost people on the train - bloody lout. Jaffa's mint aero cocktail on the way down was delicious, it was like gargling with an angels breast milk - yummy. I enjoyed myself terribly, but I did get slapped across the face rather more then I would like. I have always thought myself kind of a likeable guy, so quite why the Cornish lady-folk felt the need to use my face like a punching bag is beyond me. Perhaps I need to work on being less sarcastic. Nah! The limo ride was a nice touch but a musically logistical nightmare. How do you prepare a playlist for people whose musical tastes vary so much? I should have said bollocks and just made a playlist of my favorite songs. It would have made my ride more fun (might have sucked for everyone who doesn't like Nizlopi though, which is everyone)

Whilst in Newquay most all of us indulged in our annual helping of Kangaroo. (which is lush) but it did make me think of the recent horse meat scandal. I know lots of people are completely indignant about it, but I honestly couldn't give less of a shit. Tesco burgers could have dogpoop in for all I care as long as they taste good. What you don't know about you won't hurt you, unless it's a bus.

What else is new? Oh yeah, I have an eBay shop and am selling a whole mess of crap on eBay. I'm generating funds to start a small business buying and selling toys and sci-fi memorabilia. It is great fun and i'm really loving it at the moment. Eventually i'd like it to not be a hobby and instead be my jobby (it's fun to rhyme) for those who didn't know I have taken a lot of time off work recently and it has been for personal reasons (which I don't want to talk about in depth - most will draw the right conclusions anyway) but suffice to say I have been questioning whether I am in the right job and for one moment this week I thought I had the answer, it was just a small thing: a student asking me to be their reference. I know that's not really a big deal, but I always kind of assumed kids just liked me because I was just a bit of a joker and didn't yell quite as much as most teachers (all though today I nearly downed a plane I shouted so loud) but being asked to act as a reference it shows that at some point that one student must have developed a modicum of respect for me. Which sounds like a minor thing, but it meant a lot for me. As someone with a rep for being a bit of a joker I constantly fall foul of people not being able to take me seriously. That's part of the reason I like to right a blog. My mind (whilst not brilliant) is a constant whirring machine trying to piece together life's mysteries and figure out the worlds inhabitants. I may come out with more dreadful puns then a bad comedian and may drop more innuendos than the Tod, but it bugs me when people can't see beyond that. I'm a person damn it, with actual feelings! Anyway, off on another tangent. It made me like work for a few hours but i'm still having to really force myself to go in. I'm not really sure what the future holds for me at the moment, but I know one thing to be true. If ever I switch vocations I will miss the kids. Young people are awesome.

I'm about as angelic as post 90's Macauley Culkin

It's so very true. I hate how everyone seemingly hangs on tenterhooks waiting for me to make some kind of balls up. I balls up all the frigging time! I have been mulling this over a lot lately as everyone seems to think I perch atop some kind of pedestal (I can’t mention pedestal’s without thinking of ‘the 40 year old virgin’). Well if that is the case I didn't stick myself up there. I never feel superior to anybody. I want to be the best person I can be (who doesn't?) but I am all too aware of my limitations and flaws, which are many! Even the things I’m half decent at I can always name about twenty people who are better than me. In fact there are lots of people in my life I am completely jealous of, because I look at them and think, 'there's not a single thing in the world that I do better than you' when there are people like that, what is the point of your own existence? Even if I had a role in the fabric of society, surely person X, who does everything better than me, could easily fill that role? In fact the only thing that keeps me going at times is knowing I have slightly nicer ears than person X (the best looking girl in school, Jenny Drew, told me I had nice ears in year 11 - I was such a stud!)

I understand it from some people, colleagues for example might misconstrue me. (Hi Tina!) After all I have a very definite work persona. I think it is extremely important to be slightly more conservative when you work in a school. Sure I’m chatty but I also try and put across messages of anti-alcoholism, or at least sensible usage of alcohol. I feel it’s part of my responsibility. I have a lot of time for the youth of today. They get a bad press but I think they have more character then they are given credit for (and some of them are damn hilarious). I also think it's unfair to blame people who are the products of a toxic environment, if lazy-ass TV producers are going to cram our idiot boxes with bollocks, brain rotting crap like ‘the only way is Essex’ and ‘made in Chelsea’, of course people are going to latch on to negative role models, this generations Dan Dare is Vicky Pollard! So as a member of staff who is considered to be well liked by most students (which I think is fair to say) I try and polarise the world a little, I do try and position myself as an opposite tothe negative role models dished up by pop culture. Admittedly I don't always practice what I preach, but at the age of thirty my liver is probably already broken, right? I always hope that my peers pick up on this, perhaps they don't! Either way, work Lee-James is a necessity as home Lee-James is a child and a product of the fast food generation himself! I would probably wind up in loads of trouble if I didn't have an amazing woman to look after me, oh yeah coupled with the fact that I am too lazy to get into trouble. It generally means leaving the couch, right?

So I get the people I work with perhaps misunderstanding me. But it's people who are far closer to me that kind of bug me, close mates, even family members. I have been described as snobbish. I don't get that at all. I hate elitism and conservative politics makes me see red (see what I did there?) I'm as proud as punch that I wasn't spoiled as a child. okay so I wish mum had forced me to go to school a bit more, but even that panned out pretty well. I'm really proud of the fact that i'm going to be a uni graduate and possibly a qualified teacher down the line. I only got entered for 4 GCSE's (and did crap in all of 'em!) I was the archetypal shit student. I honestly feel blessed to have gotten to where I am in life. Nothing has ever been handed to me. Which is ace, having nice things feels better when you feel you deserve them. (of course if you want to give me free crap I will gladly take it) And you know what I do deserve them. In the past five years I can't count the amount of 3am sessions (nothing better than listening to this whilst being up at the correct time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ) I have put in to finish an assignment or to get something sorted for work. okay, so the reason I have had to do that is because i'm dreadfully disorganised, but that is completely beside the point. Don’t get me wrong I’m not playing the martyr, I made my own life decisions and trying to live a life I thought I would only ever dream of was one of them.  I truly think that at a certain point, your life is what you make it. If there's something in your life that bothers you, change it. I have no time for jealousy. I love my life, but I am a realist and realise that I don't really have much actual talent, so if I can live the dream i'm damn sure you can (yes i'm talking to Mr X!!)

Anyway, rant over and on to something less depressing. I saw a mouse today, at least I think it was a mouse. It might have been a rat. Or perhaps a kangaroo with stunted growth. The little bugger was stealing food from the garden and stashing it under the shed, what a legend. I wanted to high five the robbing little rodent. Just for his excellent thieving technique. He made the artful dodger look like a clumsy ram raider. I appreciated the technique. It reminded me of a school mate who was going through a rebellious phase and pinched a Cadbury’s cream egg from a shop. I didn't know what to do, or where to look, but was even more bemused when he paid for the stolen goods in the shop next door. When I enquired what the hell he was doing he simple informed me that it was three pence cheaper. He was a weird guy.

Much love peoples - live the dream! xx

Finally the blog has returned (must have coursework due)

Well I started a blog to create a writing habit and although I haven't been a prolific blogger I have been a prolific writer. I am writing all kinds of crap at the moment and loving it, two assignments and a play that I’m really excited by on the go. Truth be told I have always thought that I was an artist that couldn't draw, or a singer that couldn't sing, recently I have been considering that there is an off chance I am a writer who can write, well a little bit anyway. Sorry, nobody likes a big head; it’s part of the reason Saddam Hussein was so unpopular, that and all the dictator-y stuff - but mainly the head thing. Speaking of Saddam that was an awesome moustache wasn't it? Why do all the horrible dictators have such great facial hair? Stalin, lush moustache - check, Gaddafi, OK it is a bit bum-fluffy but - check and don't even get me started on the Hitler ‘tash. The guy killed a lot of Jews, but that ‘tash was a beaut! I joke of course...Gaddafi's facial hair is a disgrace. He deserved to die for that insult to beards alone.



And facial hair brings me nicely to my hair. It's becoming somewhat of a tradition for me to do something a bit bonkers with my hair during the summer holiday. This of course has developed from my rather misspent youth where I appeared to have a new hair colour every 15-20 minutes. The problem is, as my wife has pointed out, I tend to look a bit of a tit. Which I don't mind, I’m a West Ham fan, the look is almost natural! But she (and she is probably justified in this one) doesn't really want to be seen with said tit. Now my reasoning for this is the fact that I don't really leave the house during the summer and largely sit in my pants playing x-box, a fair argument, right? Apparently not, just because we might actually get to spend some time together this summer I have to avoid looking like a knob head? Is that really fair? Really? Actually, Dawn has a point; purple hair might be a bit lame. I have had this issue before: I did reach a certain point and have to look in the mirror and say "can you really pull of an earring?" the answer was of course "no" It made me look like a chav, OK so technically I am a Chav I’m a council house boy and proud. You cannot dictate where you're from. But that doesn't matter anyway.It’s where you’re going that’s important. Everything you go through leads you to become the person you are now. As it happens I can look in the mirror and not hate the guy looking back, well most of the time, That's pretty important. But (again coming back from a tangent) at 30 should I look in the mirror and ask the question "can I pull of dying my hair?" I can't help but feel I should. With me, colouring my hair may have been (in the past) about trying to define myself and make a personal statement, now I just do it for shits and giggles! So with that in mind what about blonde with shaved bits around the sides and longer on top, could I pull that off? Kind of like Ste from Hollyoakes, only shorter sides and peroxide-y



On the good news front: My final story has been going pretty well. I am actually pleased with it, even if it has turned in to a massive ego-fest. I realised that virtually every character in the piece is me, or somebody like me. Which makes me sound completely narcissistic, but I’m not! Honest! Admittedly it is slightly autobiographical, it is laden with self-deprecation. Was I really that bad with girls at school? nope, I was worse! Was I really that much of a geek? Nope, I was worse! Although I look back and cringe at original flavour Bovey (Speaking about yourself in the third person is creepy isn't it?) I admire that guy, he was so much more comfortable with himself, yes he didn't wash, was emotionally unstable, shoplifted and treated his siblings like crap, but at least he didn't care about what others thought of him. He was the guy who cheerily wore glitter hair gel and a dinosaur jumper. I wouldn't have the balls to do that. A rebellion for me these days is buying a new variety of shower gel. God I’m boring! But is boring really bad?



Oh, regarding a previous post: I’m still on the spiritualism trail. Still don't really believe in a divine being quite yet. But been listening to a lot of LIVE. (great band) and that's almost enough to drive a man to Christianity all by itself! I am getting the kids to look at Wicca at the moment. A bit of a controversial decision, but I think it's a good opportunity to look at prejudice and opression from a new angle. The persecution of "witches" in this country is appalling when you thing about the witch-hunters and their trials in the 17^th century, but at the same time I am getting them to explore people of ill repute such as Crowley. Crowley's story is a fascinating one. Bought up by wealthy parents, he rebelled and became an expert in the occult before getting hooked on drugs. I don't want to be that guy (drugs are bloody pricey!) but I admire the knowledge. I have been collecting books on the occult since my teens and for a while the paranormal was my religion I have barely read them. But now I am more sceptical, but still have that thirst for knowledge, I want to know everything. I am going to read every book I can find on anything mystical. It's fascinating, all bullshit, but fascinating bullshit.



Anyway, this is my most directionless rant yet,so to make it even more random here are a few sections  from my final assignment. Please take in to account that the protagonist suffers from ADHD:



Seagulls seem to learn. They never steal a pasty off anybody who looks like a hard nut, have you noticed that? If I even look at a sausage roll a seagull appears from somewhere and eyes me up like a crack addict trying for a fix. But I apparently lack IQ capacity of a seagull, though I do share their love of pasties.

Dad was on facebook and glanced up from his conversation with a chesty looking blonde lady, she looked nothing like mum, what a jerk. He barely even acknowledged the fact that I looked like I had just had a fight with Chuck Norris, the extent of his care was summed up with his only two, barely coherent words “nice shiner” cheers dad. Oh well, at least he wasn’t in the bathroom having sex with the blonde lady who’s cleavage looked like it could have saved the titanic. To be honest she looked pretty easy, but even she would have had to have lowered her standards to have a ride on my dad. I don’t know how mum manages to pull it off, if you’ll excuse the awful innuendo.  Dad’s lack of sexual activity was my saving grace as I could unwind in the only way I know how.

Keep calm and belly dance

I only really blog as an excuse to climb up on to my own soap box. Truth be told I like having a good rant, but I don't like to hear other people’s opinions. An opinion is like an asshole, everybody has one, but nobody wants to hear it. If however, you like to read about assholes, or opinions (I’m losing grasp of how analogies work at this point) continue...

...I have been thinking a lot recently about spirituality , which as somebody does a few RE lessons is probably quite handy. For those of you who know me well, I have been baptised or christened, shit I should really know the difference, is there one? I was also very close to being confirmed. I decided at that point that I didn't believe in god and instead devoted my life to researching the paranormal and planning for the inevitable alien invasion, except that there isn't going to be one. Alien life exists; statistically that is almost a certainty. However unless the theoretical science of wormholes etc. is actually true, the only way we will ever see an alien is if an extremophile is discovered locked in an ice cap on mars, or perhaps in the black spots in the gas clouds surrounding Venus. They will likely be very simplistic and consist of very few cells, maybe even be single celled. You have more chance of surviving a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick than being anally probed by a silver skinned fella from Zeti Reticuli.

That sounds like the words of a man who speaks with some degree of certainty. Well for once I feel certain, you see, when I get the inevitable nightly telephone canvasser on the blower  and some lovely Indian lady tells me I have a guaranteed timeshare in Florida and that all I have to do is give her my credit card details, my bull shit detector goes crazy. I know with all certainty I am being scammed. Now this may seem like a bit of a tangent at the moment, but stick with me I am getting to a point. Recently when a religious person talks about their beliefs the same buzzing light comes on that flashes when I’m on the phone to *insert ethnic sounding name here* you see, I admire the passion of these people who put faith in a higher power and I admire their faith too. But when held to scrutiny they are saying things that myself, as a fairly open minded guy, can't really believe.

Let me delve back in to the world of analogy: Water is boiling, science tells us that this is because the water molecules are being charged with heat energy and are therefore able to move around more freely. But what if Mr Religion came and said that “a supreme being is drinking it"? Their proof would likely be that they believe and have faith (I still admire it) that god is drinking it therefore it must be true. Occasionally I hear some evangelistic extremist Christian (usually American) and think they should instantly be committed. I just want to ask them where they kept the T-Rex on Noah’s ark - that one has always bothered me, I’d love to hear a creationist’s explanation for the mass of dinosaur bones, they just don't really seem to fit do they? (That’s not even me being flippant, genuine curiosity!)

I do want to get something straight though, this may seem like I am showing a scientific bias here and just trying to score points on religion, and I’m not!  But here is why I lean towards science: If a scientist had proved years previously that the previously mentioned water turned to steam because, I don't know, heat created bubbles and those bubbles carried water with them in to the air. It would recognise it as fact until, and here is the vital part, somebody proved otherwise. Scientists for the most part try and learn the truth, they find evidence to support their theories and when their theory is proved false they change their mind, it might not be as powerful and romantic as faith, but surely the fact that it develops and changes means that it is as near as we can get to truth?

Or so I sometimes think. Truth be told I am a romantic and science has holes in it too. Plus a lot of what they do is theoretical. I watched a pretty interesting documentary on time travel, it featured a bunch of really "out there" scientists who obviously watched too much quantum leap as impressionable children. Watching them set my bull shit alert in to overdrive. It was just all hippy crap, it was worse than the ‘god drinking the water’ theory (could be true!) So now I’m in a quandary, I don't have the faith that some people do, I need to see proof and apparently without faith you don't get evidence. I sometimes feel like there is religion on one shoulder and science on the other pulling me in opposite directions. But which is the devil and which one the angel? Or perhaps they are both pretenders?

Maybe one day I will choose a side and go out to bat for them. I mean I do genuinely envy people with faith, in science or religion, the only thing I have that much passion for is KFC - In the colonel we trust! But for now I will keep enjoying the internal monologue inside my brain and watch the documentaries and listen to the people with passion fight for their causes. I do know one thing though, if a big rock was heading towards the planet, science would try and stop it, but I wouldn't be praying to Hawking or Einstein.

Children of the class of 1999...

...use bum cream. Or lubricant as it is more commonly known. I know what you are thinking, there is no time for lubricant, let me tell you, there is always time for lubricant. I realise that is an irregular start to my regular blog. I was listening to the Baz Luhman "classic" Sunscreen recently and it made me look back at photos of myself and realise how much possibility laid before me and how fabulous I really looked. I was not as fat as I imagined. Speaking of fat, it's slowly coming off. A week of having the runs will do that. I recommend sickness as an effective method of losing weight, plus it simultaneously increases the profitability of the air freshener industry, one that has seen a decline in recent years. Just kidding...air fresheners have been booming for years.

Larks aside I have been feeling pretty nostalgic of late, I remember when I used to really be in to nostalgia (that's a little one) just looking back at old pictures of myself it makes me aware that I probably have a bad rep for taking cameras just about everywhere I go (you should see the pics that don't make it to facebook!) but now it pays off. Every picture holds a memory and I am instantly transported back to "happier times" Yeah I view those memories with rose tinted glasses, the luxury of the passage of time, but going through I see smiles on a lot of faces and when I finally die I just want to think that I made a few people smile along the way. After all, once you are gone you only really live on in the memories of those people whose lives touched. Not that it matters I am living to 100 and going to celebrate cricketer style!

So I have assignments due in spades in the next few months, but I am coming closer and closer to the end game. Absolutely loving writing at the moment, not the essays, but the creative stuff. Working on a story about an autistic kid with ADHD, it is hopefully going to be a comedy. So I might post it up here when it is finished. I have tons of stories I could post on here actually, might pop one up next week, what's the worst that could happen? Well I suppose the very worst that could happen is that I broke my right wrist and my balls get so massive they pop. Yep, that would be the very worst thing that could happen, either that or West Ham could lose when I go to see them. I think I would choose the wrist and ball combo, less emotionally draining.

I think it is important when you are blogging to touch on current affairs. I love the fact that people are pretending they really give a crap about Whitney Houston. I don't. I think I’d be more bothered if the guy who does the voice over for E4 died. (I love that guy) Whilst it is a bit crass to talk ill of the dead she was pretty dire wasn't she? Maybe I am not her target audience, because I have a Y chromosome, oh yeah and ears, two of them. I generally don’t give a crap when celebs die, most of them piss me off anyway. I don’t give two figs about the Kerry Catona’s and Katie Price’s of this world and I am becoming less tolerant of wanky celebrity nobodies. Their antics bore me .I think if I am being truly analytical I would realise that the notion of celebrity reviles me so much because I relate to the desperate need for popularity. At some point in my life I am going to stop giving a crap about people liking me. I can’t wait, because being nice all the time is a mugs game. I guess it is important if you leave your house, you know, socially, but I don’t really. It’s just exhausting being nice, so bollocks to the lot of you! No not you, I like you, please keep reading…Love me!!!

Dudes can multitask. I can have a poo at the same time as reading the paper, I don't always mean too though

After my previously gloomy effort I decided I’d open with something a bit jovial. I got as far as the title before realising I’m a miserable so and so. Ah well! I am trying to disprove the theory that men can't multitask by moderating folders, listening to my audiobook (therefore doing coursework.) and playing football manager all in tandem. I am really putting in a shift at the moment and I love it. I don't have time to feel bad about anything. I'm finally in work mode and that is a real positive. I am just gonna go flat out for the next few months and then crash at the end: either a massive winner or a huge failure. Here's hoping for the former.



On the subject of failure my team epically failed last night getting a whupping 5-1 from the tractor boys. Much to the delight of Jon "silent bob" Waterworth. Well he may be smug now, but I really hope that Liverpool don't come a cropper in the league cup (you know the one that Liverpool take seriously, but all the big teams play their reserves?) if they do I will be there and everywhere you turn big man, everywhere you turn, will be a poster of the score. You best keep a hold of that interactive whiteboard JW, ‘cos there will be a massive score line written on it. You just watch... By the way, what was the score last time West Ham played Liverpool? :) Now bugger off, if you send me another smug email I am reporting you for cyber bullying you dipshit (so underused!)



But now on to the subject of winning. For those of you who follow wrestling and more specifically the WWE, this past weekend was the royal rumble and the event was whelming (neither under, or overwhelming) but the rumble match itself and for those of you who don't follow wrestling it is a match where wrestlers enter the ring every couple of minutes and are eliminated by being chucked over the top rope. Well this year’s effort was just a bit special. My favourite wrestler of all time, the hard-core legend Mick Foley, was in the rumble. Chris Jericho returned, Road Dogg returned. Hell even hacksaw Jim Duggan made a brief appearance. The final two were Chris Jericho who had recently re-debuted to massive hype, facing off against Seamus on the crest of a wave of momentum. It genuinely could have gone either way, I was a tad disappointed Jericho lost, but am kind of pleased to see a British wrestler earning a place in the main event at the world’s greatest wrestling show...wrestlemania.



By the way, I have been looking at a potential new vocation recently. I really enjoy teaching, but education is so turbulent and the conservative/(liberal?) coalition are making my job less and less enjoyable be the minute. I understand and agree that the situation regarding vocational qualifications had become ridiculous, but it is frustrating when a school uses a really good qualification, in the proper manner to see that qualification devalued in terms of credit towards league tables and even though it maintains its level 2 status, that won't do anything to maintain its overall reputation. I blame schools that played the system. Well those schools will reap what they sew as their scores will nosedive come 2014. In the meantime good schools that have been doing the right things for their students are being made to suffer. It makes me angry.



Anyway, that is the rant over. Anyone got any suggestions for a new career? I want to do something creative and that takes advantage of my soon to be had degree. (Literature – no, really!) I wouldn't mind something that requires me to write. I love writing for an audience, but at the same time I do need to make a decent wage. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Unfortunately I can’t become a gigolo (or a bro-hoe if you prefer) because I have a tiny Penis and am not very good at using it. It is the same problem that kept me out of the porn industry. Finding that out ruined my 14^th birthday.

Life sucks, pretty much full time

I am beginning to really doubt the existence of Karma. I used believe in it, but now my faith is someone what shaken due to all the really shitty things happening to some really decent people. For starters my younger brother whose old man is in a bad state in the hospital, right on the back of having his long term girlfriend in hospital too. Can't the poor kid catch a break? I guess not. Then there is my lovely next door neighbour whose partner and father to her child was in a horrific accident where he was hit by a van whilst cycling and has had to have a coma induced. It's tremendously sad. It really is. And kind of puts things in to perspective...



...or at least it should. But as human beings, all but the very best of us, seem to have a way of still managing to feel angsty and pissed off even when by comparison our lives are sweet as a nut (which is one of the stupidest phrases ever, nuts are clearly savoury!) I am talking about a specific thing: I should own a house right about now. The repayments would be the same as I’m paying in rent. Plus I’m thirty years old and have an income I never dared dream of as a youngster. But as soon as it looks like I’m making progress things always seem to go tits up (another strange one, why are tits going up a bad thing? What are they going up?) Mr Mortgage broker (rightfully) pointed out that at least a year's saving is in order to get a deposit. Which on the brightside means that I have a year to either convince my boss that I’m worth a permanent contract (quite why I’m still temporary is beyond me) but on the flip side means that any pattering of tiny feet in the next year will mean that an angry squirrel has somehow broke in to our flat and that really pisses me off ('cos I hate squirrels)



I'm not the most patient of guys, I never have been, but everything just seems so far away at the moment. Even my degree being finished is still almost half a year away. It is wrong to wish your life away, but every day is a struggle at the moment. I have become so lethargic. I cannot focus on coursework what-so-ever at a point when my effort should be doubled. I am just stuck in perpetual first gear. Dawn is an absolute star, but not even she can drag me out of this state of apathy. When put in contrast with the problems of others at the moment, this means nothing, but problems are relative aren’t they? George Lucas probably gets miserable that he isn't the movie making genius he once was. Bill Gates might have all the money in the world, but he still has to look at that face in the mirror every morning. On the other end of that scale you have people in third world countries starving, people born into absolute poverty and homelessness and perhaps the worst afflictions of all being a Millwall fan or living in Plymouth.



Jokes aside though, I hope that the hospitalised folks all get better and give some much needed respite to their respective loved ones. I can't help but feel slightly shameful battling my personal financial demons whilst good people battle for their health. Hopefully God, or science or whatever force controls the universe (probably not karma) is on their side. It can sort me out in a couple of months.
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